My dear...save me...

It has been awhile since my last writing to my dear you. This is my attempt to 'gulp' everything, once discussed with him, and i know long before, it doesn't work. Never will. Hiding from the hatred, hurt, frustration and more, to make sure others can live a better life. Am I here in the world that I had wrongly chose. Am I'm suppose to let it go. God, please.

i'm talking to u...

Dear, i'm talking to you. If only you can hear me. Having you is another great gift by Allah. As early as this, i can feel you inside me. Please dont blame me for what will happen and what is happening. One day, you will understand, life is not always what you want. Sometimes letting go what you love the most is the best thing to do.

Endless worried

For god sake, this 'latest' news shocked me. Neither it's wrong nor right, the what-if symptom keep haunting me. I cant imagine one fine morning, my husband no longer remember who am I. Pathetic. Allah, please protect us, from evils and the bad things.

It is good, to talk

Finally. It came out from me. It was obviously unbelievable. I might hurt him, indirectly, but I have to. I chose you as my husband, and I wanna chose you, as someone that I can talk to, for whatever things bordering me. I love u. So much.

B, I love u...

I love him with full of my heart, for what ever I had, for what ever I can. I love watching you sleep, it make me calm and realize, how important you are in my life. I'm sorry if I'm not being a good wife to you, if I can't always fulfill your wish, if i not be able to always help you. Please know, I'm trying...for you.

Forgiven, but I can't forget it

It's true. I still feel the pain. The pain of seeing my hubby treated that way. Though I'm opening my heart and soul to forgive, yes, it is still stuck in me. May Allah guide us thru, by His nur, so we are not being among them, take us far away from those bad feeling, from hurting others. Ya Allah, please forgive us on what we have done wrong. Amin.

They make us even stronger...

Too many things happen last week. Frustration, anger, sadness, heartbreaking and all. Yet it never turned us down. They made us even stronger to face the world. I saw him strugling to save us, this marriage. I knew he hurts with those words, I knew he torns with all that yelling. He is my husband, he is my life, he is part of me, I'll be beside him for what ever happen, I'll never turned my back to u. People tend to forget how forgiveful Allah, talking like they own this world. I believe one day, the times will come for them to be tested. Allah Maha Adil, Allah Maha Pengampun.

If only I could...

Last day I'll be with hubby before raya. Yes, obviously it torn me apart. I'm afraid to go thru all these. My first raya without hubby and kids. I dont know how to face it, really am. I wanna run away, but i couldn't.

I always wish, at one time, the clock will stop ticking. Then I can feel the warmest of your love, longer. Then I can have another minutes extra to hold your hand, another blinks extra to look into your eyes, another heartbeats xtra to say how much i need u. I miss you all the time, at the same time I know, I can't reach you. It's killing me.

Another day has gone..

Half of Ramadhan has gone. Never been to the mosque for terawih not even once this year. I get sleepy as early as 9. Once in a while, I pushed myself to do the 'xtra' thing in this Ramadhan. I got tans of stuff in my mind, trying hard to enjoy life and avoid those bad thing come across my mind. I broke down, sometimes, most of the times. Nevertheless, I know for sure, I can always talk and ask from Allah.

Terima Kasih Sayang

seluruh tubuhku terpaku dan membisu
detak jantungku berdebar tak menentu
sepertinya aku tak ingin berlalu
berikan cintamu juga sayangmu
percaya padaku ku kan menjagamu
hingga waktu menjemputku

We won't know and will never knew, how long can we be together. But I promise U, I wanna see you upthere.

Thank you so much dear

She's super sweet. I received two raya cards from my little gal, in these 2 days. I never thought of receiving it from her, considering her condition. But it was all amazed. I miss her damn much now. She is doing very well with her Smart Reader class. I'll do anything to help her undergo her normal life. What ever it takes...

Call me anything...

Life is doing extraordinary fine. I'm blessed surrounding with all good people, who have the gift of making me 'unhurt', for it is one of God's best gifts. It involves many things, but above all, appreciating whatever you have and loving each other is endless happiness. To introduce myself, as a second wife to a good husband, shall it be humilating or disgusting. Call me anything, i'm too strong to be defeated by such words. I'm content with my husband love, grow me stronger everyday. And the kids, all their laughter makes me wanna be even stronger.